When we were in Seoul last month, we came across a shop selling this amazing product — Buttocks Bra! It’s so weird and awesome that I wish I’d tried it (for, you know, research), but I didn’t think that was possible without actually buying the product or getting fat-shamed by a Buttocks Bra consultant. So I could only check it out on-line at buttocks.co.kr.
So what did I learn about the Buttocks Bra?
As its name implies, the Buttocks Bra is a bra for your butt, and it is worn as an undergarment. It claims to be a miracle product that will soon take over the whole wide world. The ad on the left says, “A Butterfly’s Dream. Believe. That before long, everyone will surely be wearing this kind of ‘under’wear…”
Also: Despite that weird image in the ad, the Buttocks Bra actually does not look like a regular old bra stretched across your ass. Although I really wish it did.
It looks more like Spanx, in my opinion. Left, Buttocks Bra for women; Right, Buttocks Bra for men, which goes by a different, more masculine name: B-Man.
The Buttocks Bra really is a miracle product! It supposedly shapes your bum, flattens your stomach, and somehow even fixes bow-leggedness and obesity. This is all possible through some kind of super scientific pelvic alignment. I don’t know, but they have diagrams and pictures, so it must be true! There’s also more information about muscles and lymph nodes and stuff and how they’re related to obesity, etc.
Wearing Buttocks Bras can be great way for families to bond! The ad below reads, “Buttocks Bra can be worn by the whole family together. Mom, Dad, me! Buttocks bra is the ‘under’garment that our whole family can rest assured and wear together! Put it on and walk. You can see the fitness effects just by putting it on.”
I have so many questions. Why does a little kid need a BB? And what do you need to be rest assured about? Would we be all anxious about the state of our asses otherwise? Also: how do you get fitness effects by just wearing it? Is it that hard to put on?
I don’t know how much this miracle product costs, because they’re only sold through select stores in Korea. But I’m working on that. You’ll be the first to know when I find out.